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the
group...
I later joined a men's group and found a bunch of people who were all
for different reasons wanting to find out about themselves. We ran the
group as a kind of self-help, DIY therapy group for a while, but, as is
common for groups that focus on the self and relationships, we ran into
some difficult conflicts and decided in the end to call in a therapist
to help us sort through what was going on in the group. The group continued
to have both difficulties and rich opportunities for personal growth,
and I stayed in it for about 8 years in total.
assert yourself!...
I also became interested in assertiveness training. In my 20's I had thought
of myself as a fairly confident person, but then I saw a TV programme
on Channel 4, with Anne Dickson and Andrew Sachs, called 'Assert yourself!'
It really made me think about how I would stop myself from putting my
point across to people, or else how I might get into blaming the world
for my problems, instead of taking responsibility for my development.
taboo feelings...
The assertiveness training course that I subsequently did in Leeds focused
on ways of behaving, and was very useful to me. But I started to wonder
about what was going on underneath or behind my behaviour - why do I do
what I do? What are the feelings that inform my choices? What about sadness,
joy, disappointment, ambition, anger, jealousy, envy? And, how do my feelings
and internal workings help me or hinder me when I have to deal with challenging
issues like relationships, career change, family changes and health questions?
Round about the same time, I got into co-counselling. You can read about
that elsewhere on this site, if you're interested. What I got most from
co-counselling was a sense of freedom to be myself - I felt I had permission
to explore inside myself without being disapproved of if I found something
unpleasant.
the
truth...
These things - the men's group, assertiveness training, co-counselling
- started to help me find out the truth about myself and be more in command
of my own life. When I started to train professionally as a therapist
I began seeing a therapist myself, first in individual therapy, and later
in group therapy. I have worked with four or five different therapists
over the years.
why seek help?
If you are reading this, then I guess you are thinking about seeking counselling
or therapy for yourself. Your reasons and needs will no doubt be unique
to yourself, but what I can support you in is your own exploration into
yourself that may address the thing or problem that prompted you to start
looking for a therapist. One thing may go without saying, but I will say
it anyway: I do not serve up a cure for people's problems - my approach
is about helping individuals build up their own psychological resources
so they are better placed to face life's stresses and opportunities. I
have helped lots
of different people over the past few years, including people presenting
the following issues:
abuse (sexual, mental
or physical)
adoption
anxiety and panic
assertiveness skills
bereavement (including cot death)
depression
divorce and separation
eating or food-use disorders
ethnic identity
guilt about past behaviour
intimacy
men's issues
motivation
relationship difficulties
self-esteem and self-confidence
sexuality
shyness
violence
workplace stress
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