Syllabus
When I run a course, the material I cover depends on the situation, the size of the group, how much time we have etc. The things I focus on would usually come from the following:

Selling myself:
...tone of voice
...body language
...eye contact
Criticism:
...receiving and dealing with criticism
...giving criticism (constructive feedback)
Making requests:
...asking favours
...dealing with an aggressive person
...asking someone to do something differently
Dealing with requests:
...asking for thinking time
...saying no
...saying yes
...keeping my boundaries: 'stuck record'
Body language
Using my voice
Initiating conversation:
...what do I do after saying hello?
Disagreeing with someone
Risk:
...balancing risk and safety
Keeping a cool head
Four behaviour types:
...assertive, aggressive, passive, indirect/manipulative
Self image:
...what I like about myself celebrating myself
Listening skills
Compliments:
...appreciating others
Injunctions:
...dealing with authority figures
Patterns of behaviour:
...the victim triangle: persecutor, victim and rescuer
Feedback:
...being in the here and now
...asking for/getting feedback
Games:
...having fun in a group

Tips
Becoming more assertive depends not just on learning some new behaviours, but also on coming to know ourselves better i.e. getting in contact with the deeper feelings and motivations that form our personality and making some sense of them. Personal therapy can help in this. But assertiveness training, which is a behavioural approach, also has a place in helping come up with strategies and behaviours that can help get us closer to where we want to be in the world. It has certainly helped me make more of a mark on the world. So, whilst they have their limitations, here are some tips!


Receiving requests:
Ask for 'thinking time'
Them: 'Will you please do xyz for me?'
You: 'I'll need to think about that - I'll get back to you by this evening.'

Receiving compliments:
If someone pays you a compliment, don't belittle it:
Them: 'I like your hat.'
You: 'What, this old thing? It was 50p in a charity shop.'

If someone pays you a compliment, don't throw it back at them:
Them: 'I like your hat.'
You: 'Yours is much nicer.'

...try hearing the compliment and just accepting it, if you can.

Giving compliments:
Embarassed to appreciate someone else? People want to be appreciated. If they are embarassed at heaing your compliment, that is their problem.

Try not to be indirect with your compliment e.g. say
'I like your xyz etc...'
'I was glad when you ...'

Receiving criticism
Distinguish between a put-down and critical feedback: A put-down is a global attack, meant to diminish you. ('You are stupid…' 'you fool!'). Or it can be an attack about something you cannot change - your height, weight, looks, accent etc. Critical feedback, however, may be useful information. It may be given insensitively or without care (''you never listen, do you!''), but it could still be worth talking about. NB. Beware of indirect criticism - trust your feelings. if you feel hurt but don't know exactly what the other person is concerned about, ask what they mean.

Techniques
First ask yourself: is there any truth in the criticism?

1. Negative Assertion
If you agree with the comment - say you agree eg: A: ''You are always late'' B: ''You are right. I need to improve on my punctuality''
2. Negative Enquiry
If you are not sure about the comment, ask for more information. A: ''You are always late'' B: ''Am I? Have I been late when we have met up?'' ''Can you tell me how much it bothers you if I am late?'' Ask about the impact of your behaviour on the other person. (Does my untidiness get in your way?)

Dealing with a put-down:
Options:
1. Ignore it
2. Refute it (''no, I don't think I am stupid'')
3. Say how you feel (''I feel hurt when you refer to my voice like that''.....''I am not happy about the way you are talking to me'')
4. Make a request: ''Will you be more specific about what you are concerned about''
5. NB. Avoid attacking back. (''Hark who's talking''.....''you're not so clever either'') NB. Avoid being indirect - a joke about their put-down may not resolve anything.

Selling yourself
Communicate what you have to offer ie your:
skills (what you can do)
qualities (what you are like)
Avoid saying what you don't do - put it in the positive eg: say 'I am productive', rather than 'I am not lazy'.
Body:
...Straight back
...Control hand movement (no hand wringing)
...Fairly still (no shrugs)
...Good eye contact
Voice:
... Clear
... Emphasise points (avoid flat presentation)
Content:
... Short sentences
... Take your time (don't rush)
Conclusion:
... In a negotiation, close the deal! ie: ask for what you want: when you have concluded the deal, stop talking!

Fear

Anger

Sadness

Joy

Assertiveness tips

Messages from the past

Mad, Bad, Sad and Glad

Coming soon:

Shame and Guilt
The 7 Deadly Sins
Here and Now
Defences
The truth...
Content v. Process
Envy and Jealousy
Ambivalence
Selling Yourself
Count your blessings?